| yeah...so... |
[04 Jan 2006|04:38pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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NIN - With Teeth |
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OK, so sue me. I'm a live Journal failure. It's been 5 months since I've written in this thing...i'm suprised they haven't kicked me off of this yet. Let's see, updates..
A new year has begun and hopefully it's a year of changes. Good changes *looks up nervously*.
Nathan and I are still together, although we are in the works of him getting his own apartment while we work things out with each other. We plan on staying together but he needs his own place so he can learn to be independant and live on his own. He's never had that so it will be a good change. But, of course, to do that he has to find a job and save up some money for it and he hasn't been able to make himself get a job in 2 years. So we will see how that works out. We have tried everything else so I think maybe this will be the best, to be able to still see each other whenever we want but to also have our own life to live with friends and that.
I would give anything just to be able to not worry about which person Nathan is sleeping with next. Cheating on my 5 times in 3 years isn't a very good track record to have. I'm more forgiving than most people but that many times in a monogamous relationship is kind of ridiculous. I feel like a jealous babysitter most of that time on top of working as much as I do, and I'm starting realize that's just too much pressure for me to deal with every day. I make too much money to be broke cause I'm paying for myself and someone that doesn't give anything back to me.
Other than that my life is pretty boring as always. I am constantly working the 9-5 job and then travelling for different shows. I will be out of town in Utah two weeks of Jan for the Sundance Film Festival, then I will have the Golden Globes directly after that. It will be quite and experience and a nice change of pace but I have a feeling 11 days working straight in Utah is going to get to me, I have to make sure I get my happy pills before I get on the big plane. Attivan and a shot of vodka and I should be good for the trip there.
I love my job as I always have but I really wish I could make myself spend more time on my own photography. I am getting anxious at feeling left behind in my views if I don't take my time to learn more about studio shooting and learning how to come up with ideas that I can follow through on. I just don't feel creative enough because I have a hard time making the ideas that I have come to life. If I had more time to work on that kind of stuff then i would feel a little better about my own work. I sometimes wonder if I do it because I love it, or if I do it to prove to myself that I can do something. I really do love what I do, but I don't know if I enjoy it for the right reasons and do it for the right reasons.
I suppose if Nathan moves out I will have more time to spend on myself and figure out the answer to that. Because for the past few months all I do is go to work and then I just want to come home and lay down, feeling drained sucks sometimes but i think I'm just noticing that I feel that way alot. I don't like to bring other people down and look lethargic so I make myself think I'm so energetic...and lately I just haven't been up to making myself peppy all the time.
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| I just don't use this thing anymore. |
[03 Aug 2005|10:48am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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I dunno why I don't come on here anymore...too many things to update at once I suppose. I work too much and I have to check my myspace account every two hours just to keep up so I suppose that's a really big reason. I forget I even have this thing but it would be good to get back into it one day so I can just sit here and talk to myself daily. That's sounds like fun...talking to myself. lol
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| (e)R v. 2.0 |
[30 Jun 2005|06:49pm] |
It's up!
www.exiledreplicant.com
Version 2.0 is up and it's wonderful. It's new and improved. Dark and Serene. Fabulous and Beautiful. Sign my guestbook with your feelings and let me know what you all think. Thanks so much!
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| Trippy |
[31 Mar 2005|08:58pm] |
Took a trip up to Reno for a few days to visit family and friends. I'm just gonna post some photos and put captions on them to show ya how my trip went. haha. I'm lazy.
This is my Nathan, Katie, Dreamy, and Scottie boy in Bako. We stopped and woke scottie up to visit and I banged his head against his headboard many times.
Nathan and katie in Starbucks in the middle of nowhere. I'm pretty sure they thought we were fucking aliens.
Marqui and Teenie in Denny's when we got to Reno. We celebrated her birthday there and almost got thrown out numerous times for being "animals"
Teenie and Me holding her Birthday Gear...and my carry makeup bag. haha
Megan Keller...Went to highschool with her...such a doll...got drunk at Brew Brothers with her and we fell over each other all night while straight hicks complimented me on my bag...just not in so many words...
Me....drunk...
Me playing the Piano at my mom's house...god I rock.
Good ole Skittle playing pool at his friend Ryan's house. Good times and too many doritos later.
I just liked this one. lol
Skittle showing off his kick ass tat.
My mom and niece watching me play piano.
Me driving through the snow.
Katie's tattoo after it got fixed at the tattoo parlor in ghetto reno. So cute.
Nathan looking like a bitch as usual with our friend Darcy...she hunts buffalo.
Aw, such a gay straight boy isn't he?
I told him I'd pay for his dinner if he drank a soy sauce martini with sugar in it....I paid for his dinner (cringe)....
More to come...
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| Open |
[23 Mar 2005|06:07pm] |
Little teaser for a few new pics to go up on my site:
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| Outside the Box |
[22 Mar 2005|05:22pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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Sports TV (gag) |
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It's funny watching the people I work with struggle sometimes. If something isn't in their guidelines or is something out of the ordinary from what they usually do then they don't know how to handle it. My boss Guin keeps telling me that I belong in the place of a full blown entertainment editor because I can solve problems and get shit done. We were asked to burn photos today for a client and Guin gave it to them to get it done but they all just had no idea what to do. So I took it from them and got it done all in the time it took them to figure out what to do. Thank god that looked good for me so that should be a little push in the right direction to getting out into the field permanently.
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| Missing It |
[21 Mar 2005|07:45pm] |
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mood |
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lethargic |
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music |
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Computer Humm |
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I haven't been on here or updated in a really long time. Kind of miss posting so I think I'm going to try to start it up again whenever I have the time.
I'm at work right now as usual. I've worked 78 hours in 5 days and I don't have a day off til Saturday so I'm a little sketched at the moment. haha. Fashion Week is finally over thank god so that hell is over finally. I haven't had much time to myself to take any great pictures or anything but I want to get out to take a few this weekend since I might be going to reno to visit family.
I have another cd coming out with my photos on the cover so that's exciting. It's some rapper named K.E.V....I guess any publicity is good publicity right? lol. Comes out April 12th so go get it and support my ass.
God I'm really bored at work right now, noone is here and I really don't feel like working anymore...only two more hours to go and I'm poppin some pills and goin to bed!
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| Get the Creeps |
[02 Feb 2005|12:02pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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Go check out the new photos on my site that I took of The Peppermint Creeps and tell me what you think.
www.exiledreplicant.com/live/peppermint/peppermint-live.php
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| Piss and Pistols |
[22 Jan 2005|03:19am] |
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music |
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Scissor Sisters - Take Your Mama |
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There are rolling fields of wheat all around with periodic cacti sticking up out of the yellow stalks. We were driving looking for someone I did not know. We got to the trailer that we were heading for a pulled up front. We walked up the stairs and walked into the trailer. The guy was there and he was totally frantic running around the inside not knowing what to do with himself. Suddenly he told me he had to go, looking worried like something was about to happen. He looked cold in his eyes and he dashed out the door. I turn around and there were two guys and a girl in the doorway. The two guys were very scruffy with facial hair and leather jackets and the girl couldn't have been less that 200 pounds with a ratty sun dress...the dress holding on for dear life in all directions. They grabbed me by the arm and threw me into a back room in the trailer. It was dark from the aluminum foil that was on the windows keeping it cool and dark. The girl walked in with a silver handgun and aimed it right at me. I scrambled to move but she fired. I stopped and sat down and stared at her, smoke coming fromt he gun. I look down and see blood begin to seep out from under my shirt...it was black. The wound in my stomach continued to bleed and the woman stood over me, her sun dress over my head. She then proceeded to try to fuck me while I was bleeding all over the dark room. I kept pushing her away, kicking her legs with all the strength I had left. I managed to pull the gun from her and fired it as many times and I could...nothing came out. She stepped back and smiled at me as she proceeded to urinate all over her own dress standing up...then she came at me to try it again. I ran under her and down back into the living room where the two men sat. They turned around and aimed their guns as I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. I was suprisingly calm and seemed to forget what was going on. Why did my friend leave me for this to happen? He knew this would take place and he left me. The blood was starting dry on my shirt and crusting onto my skin which made walking around a bit weird but the pain seemed to get worse. We all walked outside and there were 10 more people outside in the field, they handed me a cigarette and we all smoked while they held silver pistols at my head. I knew what was about to happen so I enjoyed the cigarette inhaling each deep breath...They cocked their pistols and I heard a loud ringing in my ears....
I jump out of bed and look over at Nathan who is sleeping calmly next to me...not noticing the blood that was on the sheets...
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| Update |
[01 Dec 2004|01:16pm] |
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There are a few new photos and a new model up on my site. Check em out and tell me what you think.
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| Beatings |
[21 Sep 2004|03:47am] |
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Nathan and I have a house in the Hollywood Hills. It's a beautiful old home with a wrap around outside deck and trees all around us. We decide to go to w club with out friend Cooper and someone else. We get there with Kevin and another photographer and go in with them. It was a 21 and over club but noone asked us about ID's when we were with kevin. There was a gypsy at the club that we knew that just loved us to death. She kept buying us drinks and having a great drunk old time. I went upstairs into the private room and went on the computer. I put in a DVD to see if the favorite music videos that I had were still on there from the day before. When I found that they were all there I slipped them back into the floorboard. I had forgotten that I had taken two Tylonal PM's before we went to the club, so that mixed with the few vodka's I had made it a little hard to walk around. I was really groggy and I couldn't see eveything OK. I went into the bathroom of my house and layed down near the sink that had stuff flotaing in it from everyone that was partying in there earlier.
I still had trouble moving and couldn't really see what was going on. Nathan came into the bathroom to tell me it was time to get out of the club. So I get up and I wen to go pay the bartender for all the drinks and damage to the place, but the lady said that some Gypsie had payed it all for us. I ran out to hug the Gypsie and gave her a kiss on the cheek for all that she had done. I turned around and my Mom was there in a very business woman outfit that was dark blue and she had her hair back. I was so happy to see my Mom but I knew something was wrong with her. I asked her why she had come down to LA without even telling me and just appearing there. She said that there was a problem and we needed to go because we weren't safe. She took me by the arm and we started to walk out of the club without Cooper and Nathan. They finally started following behind us and my Mom told me what was going on.
Dennis, my ex step father, was on his way to LA with a bunch of guys to come beat me up and possibly kill me. She turned around and looked at Nathan and mentioned something about being gay enough to tell anyone where we were. We got in the car and started to drive off without Nathan and Ally. I looked behind and saw that they were keeping up OK and so I told them to get in at the stoplight. There were bums lining the streets and staring at us. Photographers on the other side photographing the bums as though they were celebrities. They then all stopped taking photos and started staring at us as well. Cooper finally got in the car as we started to drive again. My Mom told me that she wasn't going to allow Dennis and all the people to do this to us and had to get us out of here. She said that she didn't want me to be one of those people you hear about who are a Gay Couple with the perfect life with a house, good jobs, schooling, and money just to be killed by a bunch of people who don't think we deserve it. Nathan was falling behind and I was worried about him but he suddenly popped out of the back from the trunk so he must have jumped in through the trunk door.
My mom's dog Jake was in her lap, but he was a puppy jumping all around like an idiot, not like the 176 pound dog that he is. She then told me she had stored the other dogs in the bag in the front. I opened the bag and pulled out three dogs that were flattened like car seat covers. They were flat as pancakes into little squares except their heads that were just hanging out and looking around. We stopped the car and got out into a patch of grass. There was a wooden picnic table on the grass so we all stood on that. I took the flat dogs and spread them out on the table so they could get some air. My Mom stayed in the car. There was a big bug that looked like a backwards crab crawling towards my mom and she ran and stepped on it. But I look around and they are everywhere, crawling around backwards, opening and closing their one pair of claws. I heard frogs and started to see frogs eyes that were protruding out from all places on the floor and table. They were the same color greed as everything else so they were hard to see. I was stepping on them no matter where I walked. I took a cardboard box and started the push them off the table, my they just kept jumping back onto me, onto my mom, onto the dogs, and onto Nathan and Cooper. They were surrounding me but I couldn't get them away because I still couldn't move from the vodka and PM's.
That's when I woke up...
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| Cigarette |
[04 Sep 2004|03:26am] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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There were 5 of us on a metro rail going through the city. The city was dark and it was raining like a flash flood. There were more than 2 floors to this bus that had noone on it but our single group. We were walking around the disturbingly dark subway when a little girl keeps telling us to talk to the old man with his son smoking on the 2nd floor. We look up and all you can see is 2 cigarettes floating around together like they were being smoked...with a faint outline ot a boy and his father staring at us. "They are always there" she said, "Staring and smoking their cigarettes." As we were about to get off the subway a large metal platform starts to creak and fall on us, we run out of the way but only I was able to get away from it. They were all there, lying under the platform. One girls had a metal rod through her neck and she was just staring at me...faceless. Faceless with a dripping red shirt.
We gathered the rest of them together and looked up at the cigarette smoking son and father. They were full formed now, still staring, still smoking. "It was them," someone said. I knew that we had to change subways trains so I could get to Nathan in the tall building in the middle of the city....but the train wouldn't stop and there was no driver. Everyone was thrashing around to make it stop but I somehow manages to open the window and I fell out on to the pavement and inch from the edge of the abyss, and the train station. I stand up, soaking wet and I try to run for the office station where all the people are...As I run, my back is seized and I freeze in place, not being able to move. This happens every few steps, everytime I try to run, my spine is grabbed by an unknown something and halted. I finally make it to the black lady at the stand and I start to freak out...I ball and I curl up into a fetal position with the pain of knowledge I remembered about all my friends trapped on the train that just ran off out of the city.
I try to tell her what happened but of course she just stares at me and thinks I'm making things up. She asks me who I can call so I grab my soaked cell phone out of my pocket and try to shake all the water out of it but the water just keeps on sloshing out. The key's won't work and the screen is blown. I try to remember the name of my father but for the life of me I can't think of who he is...what has happened to me? Nathan...I can go to Nathan. The lady allows me to get back on another bus towards the middle of the dark city and I am left in a room with many more random people...just like the last bus. An asian has his leg propped up on a table, turns around and mutters "This book is sensational". I turn and find a black man sitting at the end in a chair, he moves over to allow me to sit also. I attempt to walk towards the chair but this force grips all of my nerves once again and I am paralyzed, my neck heaves backwards and my back arches almost to the floor as my mouth feels like it is being ripped open...I Can't move...I'm stuck with the same paralyzing fear in my back that I had started with...and I'll never find anyone to help me....
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And then I wake up thrashing around the bed with the horrible feeling that someone is behind me, waiting to grab my insides and paralyze me forever....the whole time I wrote about this dream I just had I still have the feeling that someone is standing right behind me right over my shoulder. How can I sleep when all I can think of is the knowledge that when I close my eyes I will be right back in a dream that always ends the same.
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| Orgy/Deadsy |
[30 Aug 2004|10:12pm] |
I have all the photos up from the Orgy/Deadsy show at the Key Club in Hollywood last week. Go check em out and tell me what you think. They are both in the Main Bands section of my portfolio. I had a great time at the concert and I was so glad to get to see all the people that I knew there. I also have new photos up from the other Orgy show with Doheny, and also have the show pics up from The Anix concert with a band called SoulSale as well. Hope you enjoy!
www.exiledreplicant.com
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| More Orgy |
[26 Aug 2004|03:04am] |
I have more Orgy pics up from the concert two days ago in San Juan Capistrano. Also, I took some photos of a band caled Doheny which was an amazing performance. The guys used to be members of a band called Pitchshifter which I used to listen to all the time but they disappeared. Now I know where they went. Check out the pics and let me know what you think.
www.exiledreplicant.com
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| Catalina/Avalon |
[16 Aug 2004|11:23pm] |
For Nathan's birthday I decided that we would take a trip to Catalina for the day to visit Ally and Emma. They are staying there for a week so we just went out for the day. I had a great time and I know that Nathan did too. I hope that we can go back there again for spring break next year or something. Here is a little photo journal of the trip:
Here is the boat I THOUGHT we were taking to Catalina. It turned out I was wrong and the boat we took was the taller one behind it...so shoot me. Nathan got complimented on his Neiman Marcus bag by some classy broad who was blowing smoke in little kids faces.
Here is the Queen Mary...silly me I thought it was still running but then at the end of the trip we noticed it was surrounded by rocks and there was a permanent bridge attached to it. Apparently now it's just a hotel...what the hell is the point of that?
Some boat called Ecstacy...raves was all I could think of...oooo those photons and fun over international waters...
Just a woman and her child on the boat. They were staring at us the whole time and speaking in tongues...or mexican...same thing.
As we came into Catalina we saw this Theatre right on the water. Come to find out later it was some scary old shrine that the village people of this land worshiped....freaks.
This is the restaurant we ate at when we got off the boat with Ally and Emma. I just had to take a photo of Nathan with the restaurants maximum occupancy...29. There was a line out the door for a wait of four people...it was sad. Good food though although we decided that Sally (owner) must be related to the lady that own Patty's down the street and they are strangely long lost sisters that haven't spoken in years. (X-Files Theme)
Here is Ally and Emma's Cave. It's in the base of the Museum/Theatre that everyone worships. Now running for over 35 years! We sat in the cave for awhile and watched all the tourists look at us funny as they drove by in their put put golf carts. On the way back from the cave these homphobes were talking shit so I flicked my cigarrette on them. "Thanks for ashing on me you fucking asshole" HAHA, imbusiles.
After we got kicked off the golf carts and almost arrested, this is all of us hanging out in their hotel room getting drunk. Some very random things happened while we were in there...now that everyone knows how BIG Nathan really is. muahaha...and their bathroom will never be quite the same.
This is some outlook post to take pictures at on the top...We never quite made it up there since the golf cart was taken from us (bastard Nazi Officer and your handlebar moustache)
The sunset as we were leaving Catalina on the boat back to Long Beach...it was a really great day and I hope to get to go there again soon.
The End.
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| Posters |
[16 Aug 2004|11:23pm] |
Hello all. I just got a view of what the New Orgy posters will look like and I thought I would share. Photos 2 and 3 (Paige & Jay) are my photos so I'm really excited about them.
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| Who |
[13 Aug 2004|10:16pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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"Sucker train blues" by Velvet Revolver |
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Who wants to be my lover?
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| Look at Me |
[08 Aug 2004|01:55pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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*Lylah* - Blame |
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Here is me going to Tigerheat...oh swoon boys and don't stop looking until your eyes bleed.
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| navigation |
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exiledreplicant's journal
Here is Emma with one of Ally's pups.
Here is Ally looking fascinated hehe.